blueblanketblogmy not-so-temporary blog, i guess friday, november 23.: 3:02 PM .:thursday, november 22So at Ilana's parents' house, I met one of Ilana's aunts, who happens to be in Word Freak: Heartbreak, Triumph, Genius, and Obsession in the World of Competitive Scrabble, by Steven Fatsis. She was quite the character. I think I'm gonna have to read the book now. I do not, however, think I'm gonna start playing competitive Scrabble anytime soon. Waaaay too easy to get obsessive with something like that. I think I'll stick to drunken Scrabble playing at the Saloon, thank you very much. .: 11:28 PM .:.: 11:22 PM .:wednesday, november 21I was out at a concert, when I ran into another lawyer from my section. And we were moaning about what's being done to the Justice Department. Mostly we were talking about the order to allow the listening in on lawyer-client conversations, an order promulgated in the course of this administrations' antiterrorism efforts. "It used to be that when I walked through the halls of the main Justice building, I would feel proud, like what I did meant something, like here I am standing for, well, justice. Now I just feel kind of sad," said my coworker. And I feel kind of sad too. Because when the news reports say "oh, the Justice Department is now doing such and such," that's not us. Most of us would never do things like that. Those things give us the legal heebie jeebies. It's the (unfortunate) nature of working in an executive branch job, I guess. Being tied to whatever administration is in place. But really, most of us here aren't like that. Most of us here aren't doing those things. We're lawyers who came here because we were interested in enforcing environmental laws, civil rights laws, or what have you, and because we thought we could do that here. We're lawyers who came here because we believed we could do some good. Some of us are leaving, because of, well, you know. Some of us are staying, thinking we can still make a difference. And others of us (like me) are staying because we're still too new, we still need to figure things out. But when you hear "the Justice Department says," and you shudder a lot, remember all the individuals that are also in here. Remember we're not all of one mind. Remember that most of us are here to uphold the laws and Constitution of this country, not here to do just whatever an administration wants. A small consolation, perhaps, during this time, but hey. .: 10:47 AM .:In law school, two of my best friends were Ed and Wayne. We often hung out together, doing things as a crazy little trio. We have some random things in common -- all of us have worked in Japan, all of us like smashing watermelons and grabbing free food. Well anyway, Wayne is now going out with some girl named Edna. Ed is now going out with some girl named Steph. I'm really hoping now that I'm not destined now to date someone named Wayne or Wayne or Uena or Ueno. .: 10:36 AM .:monday, november 19(cut and pasted from an email to my friends Andy and Gina) I told him sure, because, well, I have to do it one of these days, right? BUT I AM TOTALLY FRIGHTENED. THIS SCARES THE WILLIES OUT OF ME. You would not believe how my heart is racing right now. I am, you see, not an arguer, not verbally at least. I know that's the stereotype of lawyers and stuff, but really, I *hate* public speaking. I don't think so fast on my feet (or at least, not in an organized, articulable fashion), I don't come from a debating background. In that way, I am more like the stereotype of the scientist. I get lost in my words. I trip. I digress. I also get really really scared. So I like written text much more. Nice, structured, written text. Nice, editable written text. This public speaking stuff terrifies me. Gah, my first appellate argument, coming up so soon. Helloooooo Philly. Maybe. I need your support, ya'll. .: 6:03 PM .:I filed my first real appellate brief today! Yay! .: 5:03 PM .:I am moody in a way that I can't quite put my finger on. This is probably a sign that it's almost that time of the month, the better sign of which is that, well, it's almost that time of the month. I hate being moody like this, because I hate knowing that my emotions are being driven entirely by stupid, thoughtless chemicals (some would make the case that all our emotions are driven by stupid, thoughtless chemicals, but I'm not even going to go there right now). I hate having to step out of myself and think, "Well, I feel vaguely peeved at ____, is it because of anything he did, or is it just because I'm extra-sensitive right now?" I hate this period of necessitated temporary recalibration. I hate it too because there are things now that should make me feel really really good, but don't. Like getting all sorts of positive comments on my first real appellate brief. Like finally having the chance to work on my novel again (pretentious as the phrase "working on my novel" might be.) Like having to do no revisions on this book chapter on nuclear reprocessing and the environment that I cowrote, whew. Like settling into my funky new apartment. These things, in normal life, would make me feel all special and good. Instead, I am dwelling on the bad things. Festering about ____. Grumping at the random web pages I read. Being annoyed by the lack of response I've received from _____. They are little things, unimportant things, but certain chemicals lead me to fixate on them. I can't wait till the next few days are over, and my hormonal balance is back to normal again. (I do have one non-hormone related reason to be moody, though, this really annoying canker sore in my mouth. I think I accidentally burnt myself on hot food over the weekend, and then it got infected. Ugh!) .: 1:02 PM .:Everyone's listing them. I'm at 44,370. I haven't really increased it in awhile, but I've finally set everything up so that I can start up again. Will probably be editing by blogger now, rather than telnet. .: 10:35 AM .: |
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