I am terrible with major life decisions, yet I dwell on them too much, indecisively. I want to be somewhere, yet I don't want to decide on where. I get close to critical times when I seemingly must decide, yet I find ways to put it off. This is a major shortcoming of mine.

I must decide on a career. No, in many ways it looks like I already have, but I have to actually pursue it. Rather than, I suppose, getting distracted by alternate careers. But then I go back on that and think, how boring if I don't have an alternate thing I'm doing. If I'm just a fucking lawyer, as opposed to a lawyer/scientist/writer/etc. I don't know. I've said this about being a scientist as well. I suck that way.

I do things that help me avoid having to make difficult decisions, things that set the decision outside of me, like deciding to pursue federal jobs if Gore gets elected and state/non-profit jobs if Bush does. I should learn to make decisions, but I can't even decide to really do that.

I am afraid of closing off opportunities, I pursue the expansion of them without pursuing long-term opportunities themselves. I like having a big table of food to choose from much more than having the food itself.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. I love them and hate them. But I am slowly ridding myself of the cobwebs that sway my decisionmaking process. I am beginning to believe that once I make a decision, I will make a good one.

That's a first step, I suppose.