--{ who am i }------
Looking back at old pictures of me with one of my coworkers, I realize that I have changed a lot, appearance-wise. Different degrees of glamour, nerdiness, weight, and conformity. On a few tiny occasions, I've even managed to look older.
I think that it's the changeability that I consider a part of me, not my appearance itself. It's my ability to shed my skin that I want to keep, not any particular skin that I happen to wear at any one time.
Some people who are uncomfortable with their appearances are uncomfortable because they have something else they want to be. Skinny, maybe, or pretty, or tall, or who knows what.
Me, I just don't want to be anything. But I know I can't be nothing, so I shift, just to show that I don't have to be anything in particular.
I feel like that about careers and focus too, I guess. Like I don't want to actually be a lawyer, though I feel perfectly fine doing law. Same with the other things I've tried in the past, being a scientist, or whatever. I don't want to be restricted to those things.
I don't want to be anything. I don't want to be captured by a word. I want to stay one step ahead of that, forever.
So I'll make it explicit. I'll state it right now. I've decided to do what I can to avoid that fate, the fate of being captured in a word, in a one-line description. Heading into my career as now I must, as now I want to, I will still try to do other stuff, crazy random other stuff. Because, though I've struggled with the answer to this for awhile now, I realize that I'd rather be a mediocre everything than any one expert thing.
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