--{ i hate my life }------
I hate my life, though I also love it. I hate not having enough time to do everything I want to do, but then again, I'm pretty sure there will never be enough time to do what I want to do. I am focusing, now, on this law thing, more so than I've ever focused on any one thing (though I think I did an okay job with chemistry, what with that whole grad school thing taking five and a half years of medium-to-high level focus), and I suppose that's paying off. I am developing skills. I am actually doing stuff.
At the same time, it frustrates me when I see all that other stuff I could be doing. And there is always, just always, stuff I could be doing. I could be finishing my novel (pretentious as those words may sound, yes). I could be writing more cross-disciplinary academic papers. I could be making cool arty stuff. I could be picking up pro bono cases (which Ilana and I will be doing soon, really -- late February, we say). I could be homebrewing, I could be making tofu, I could be making cheese (that, by the way, I will do any time now, once I decide who I want to feed some homemade pizza with homemade mozzarella to), I could be doing any number of things. I could be learning Japanese, I could be practicing guitar, I could be making my workouts even longer, I could be having sex with more people.
But I'm not. I'm focusing on this law thing, and it's good to be focusing a bit on something, just because I'm so bad at it that I need whatever practice I get. But dammit, I hate seeing all the other stuff I could be doing. Frustrates the hell out of me.
On my more paranoid days (and this is one of them), I am convinced that everyone is doing more than me, and I hate you, I HATE YOU ALL.
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